This is Home
by Faara
Summary: Movieverse. Susan can t handle beeing back in England again. She misses Narnia, and Caspian, more then ever. But when she gets hit by a car and passes out she wake up in Narnia again. But this time she s alone.
1. Chapter 1 Time s up

Disclaimer: I don´t own Narnia. C.S Lewis does and he is dead. Long live his brilliance.

--

Chapter 1. Time´s out

Susan knocked lightly on the door before entering the small room. A smile played at her face as her three siblings turned their heads towards her. With her hand still at the doorknob, Susan picked up one of the bags. Her smile widened as she talked.

"Are you ready to go?"

-

Half an hour later Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy were sitting in a clearing. The forest was small, and, if you listened carefully, you could hear the sound of the nearby town. As time went by, the four children became more relaxed and enjoyed themselves more. They hadn´t been able to do this for the last couple of weeks, so it was definitely needed time off.

After a while, Susan opened the bag she had grabbed earlier and took out packets of sandwiches.

"Good thinking, Su" Edmund said as he threw himself at the food. "Never been hungrier." Lucy gave out a laugh at this statement but took not care to mention all the other times he had said that.

"What?! It´s true" Edmund clarified with his mouth full. As a response, Peter and Lucy both looked skeptically at him. "What?!" Edmund cried out indignantly. Susan just smiled at them.

-

The sun was at its peak and the four children lay in the grass, looking up at the blue sky. They were just laying there, all thinking about the same thing.

"I wonder how much time has passed now." Lucy suddenly said. Susan stiffened and listened to the others.

"Probably another few hundred years" Peter said like it was the most ordinary thing in the world.

"Everybody´s probably gone by now." Edmund added. Lucy nodded.

"Yeah. I wonder what kind of king Caspian became".

"Would you just stop it!" Susan burst out. She heard the others heave themselves up and turn towards her.

"What´s the matter, Susan?" Peter asked her, a bit troubled by her. Susan sighed.

"Why do you keep talking about that?" she asked. Lucy looked at her.

"Because we wanna remember." she whispered. Susan did not look at them.

"Remember what?!" Her voice was heard and she could hear Lucy gasp. Peter looked bothered at her attitude and Edmund shifted his position so that he could see his older sister better.

"Susan?" Peter´s voice sounded really worried. "What´s wrong?" Susan gave out a sound of frustration and quickly rose. When she turned to look at them, it was with disgust in her eyes.

"I don´t wanna be a part of your imaginary games anymore." Then, she hastily turned around and walked out of the glade. She heard that Lucy started to sob, that Edmund rose and yelled after her, and that Peter told Ed to shut up. She didn´t care.

--

Susan ran, but not far. Out of sight and hearing distance from the clearing, she leaned her back against a tree and slowly slid down. Tears were burning in her eyes. It was easier that way, to pretend that it all was a game, a dream. That she´d never been to Narnia and that she´d never became queen. She knew that eventually the pain would go away. That when she started to believe her own lies, the memories would disappear. But the memories were too fresh. Only two months had passed since they got back to their world, and since then, she knew that she never would return. She would never again see Cair Paravel, Aslan´s How or the dancing lawn. She would never again get to see Trufflehunter, Trumpkin, Reepicheep or Aslan … or Caspian.

Susan gasped, and the tears that had filled her eyes started to fall down her face.

She and Caspian, they had had so little time together. But, she would always remember him. The sound of this voice, the warmth of his body when he hugged her, the scent of his hair… the taste of his lips… and his eyes…those beautiful brown eyes that were almost black. The ones that had looked at her deeply with sorrow, joy and love. She closed her eyes.

Well, maybe not love. But at least with strong affection, she felt it too. Affection strong enough that she would miss him so much. So much that it hurt every time anyone spoke of Narnia, of him, every time she thought about him.

At the sound of a _crack _nearby Susan looked up, wiped away her tears and slowly started to walk back to the town. The others knew that she could take care of herself, and they knew the way back. She would wait for them in Peter's room, and she would still be angry when they came back.

She would say, "Stop with that Narnia nonsense" and "Then don´t talk about it when I´m around".

She only noticed that she left the forest when it became much brighter. The soft earth road quickly turned into cobblestone and the noises of the town life grew stronger. Susan kept her head low as she slowly walked over a trafficked road.

"Susan!" She quickly turned around at the sound of her younger sister shouting her name. Lucy´s eyes were huge and filled with despair. To avoid the guilt she felt, Susan took a step backwards.

The next thing she heard was a horn blowing, and the thing she saw, was a car, barreling towards her. She closed her eyes.

And then… _Bang! _

_I´m gonna die._

**AN: The first chapter is finally out. I don´t know when the next one will ****come, but I hope you´ll stick out. **

**I really enjoyed writing this chapter, so I hope you enjoyed reading it. **

**Please review and I might write faster. XP //Faara**


	2. Chapter 2 Light

The fall was hard. The air went out her and Susan used the next few moments to regain it. She felt that something was wrong, but it wasn´t anything wrong with her, no broken bones or anything. But the surroundings. It was way to quiet, and dark. She opened her eyes, closed them and opened them again. It was no difference. The darkness was complete. She slowly rose and tried to make her head stop spinning. Was she dead? Was this the afterlife? She couldn´t believe it. After all she and her siblings had experienced in Narnia, death was just black?! She felt really disappointed. Suddenly she felt something move over her leg. She screamed and made a jump, then stopped at once. It echoed. She yelled again and she heard her own voice echo in the darkness. It sounded rough, like if the sound bounced against stone. She put her arms out and her left hand hit stone. She took a step and followed it. It raised high above her and went to the ground. A stone wall? Was she in a cave? If that was the case, there had to be a way out. She took a step and followed the wall, moved her hands up and down in search for something that could make her understand where she was.

She gasped when her fingers hit cold metal. Metal? In here? Her fingers traced its source and it did not take long before she had identified it as a torch holder, with a torch in it. Susan closed her hand around it but left it there. She had no matches or anything that she could use to light the torch with, it would only be dead weight. She continued following the wall hoping that something would happen, anything that could help her. She did not want to be stuck in there much more. She didn´t want to die… she stopped. If she already was dead, would she be stuck in there for all eternity? Thousands and thousands of years in a cave, in complete darkness? No, that was not how she wanted her last aware moments to be. She wanted… she wanted to see her siblings again, she wanted to tell them she was sorry. She wanted to graduate and experience life. And she wanted to come back to Narnia, to see Caspian.

Susan blinked away a single tear that threatened to spill from her eyes and took a deep breath. No, no time for crying, she had to get out of here! As she rounded a corner a glimpse of light caught her eyes. She took another step and streaks of light became visible. She had to cover her eyes a few seconds before she could look directly at it. When she did, she saw boulders lying before the entrance of the cave. She made a run for it and smoothly jumped up on the closest boulder. She then started to climb. Faster and faster, she wanted to see the sky outside. She wanted to get out, now. She tried to move one of the boulders but it was too big for her to move alone, and so were the rest of them. There was no way she could get out. Susan started to panic.

"Help!" she cried out. "HELP!" she tried to move the boulders again but they still wouldn´t move. She screamed again. "HELP! HELP!"

"Who´s there?" the masculine voice came from outside so suddenly that Susan almost fell down.

"I´m Susan. Help me out!" She shouted to the man outside. Could she hope? Could she hope on that someone would get her out? She screamed again. "Help me out, please!"

"Don´t worry. We´ll get you out." The man answered through the small openings. Susan then heard him yell to others outside. There were more people there? Oh, please let them be friendly! She could hear some of the movements outside. Others approaching, someone screaming out orders and the distinct sound of hooves. Hooves? Did the men ride horses by a cave? Theoretical the ground would be too hard for them... if they were on a mountain.

Susan´s thinking was interrupted by the man who had spoken to her earlier.

"Are you still there?" he asked her a bit nervous.

"Yes, "she answered. "I´m still here."

"Good. Because we will try to lift off one of the boulders right now. Are you ready?" It was actually not a question, but more of a way to get her calm.

"Yes," She said again, ready to come out. But when a boulder a bit to her left was removed she did not move. If she was dead, then what would be on the outside? Would it be like the world she lived in, or would it be like hell? She could not decide on which she feared the most, because an England without her siblings would be dreadful, and hell would destroy her, mentally and physically. If the outside was any of those two, then she did not want to come out.

Susan gasped again when a head came out of the hole. It belonged to a man with long, black hair. He turned his face against her and she saw that it was stern but with kind, brown eyes. He held out his hand.

"My name is Cerleb," the man said, and Susan recognized the voice from the one who had heard her screams for help. "Come over here so I can help you out." Susan nodded and climbed over to him. When she grabbed his hand he pulled her upwards with such a force that she almost flew. Outside, the sun blinded her. She hastily covered her eyes with her hands.

"Are you okay, Susan?" Cerleb asked her. Susan only nodded, of some reason scared to talk. She could hear the other men talk around her.

"Who is she? How did she get down there? What kind of clothes is that?" She did not hear from whom the questions came, but all of the voices were dark and masculine.

"Cerleb, are you taking her down?" an unknown man asked Susan´s rescuer.

"I will," Cerleb answered and lifted Susan up in his arms. As they walked down, Susan heard the sound of hooves again. Wouldn´t it be very difficult for Cerleb to hold her in his arms as he was riding?

"I´m sorry," she said after a few minutes. Well, a few minutes of Cerleb carrying her, really.

"For what?" he asked her, sounding a bit confused.

"For making you do this. For making you stop doing, whatever you were doing and then walking down with me down while riding," she answered calmly, eyes still closed. To her surprise, Cerleb started laugh.

"Forgive me, but what´s so funny?" Susan asked just as Cerleb put her down on what seemed to be a chair, and she was able to open her eyes. She noticed that she was inside a big white tent, and after a quick look at her rescuer she realized the hilarity of her comment.

"You´re a centaur," she burst out, suddenly understanding why he heard hooves before. He was tall for being a centaur, and his horse body was chestnut colored. At his left side, there hung a broad sword and his right side, there was a saddlebag.

"Yes I am, girl named after queen of old," he nodded. "And carrying you down was the only option considering the state you were in. I did not think that you would be able to hold on if I had put you on my back." Susan´s eyes widened. Centaur… Old queen… She hastily rose, ran out of the tent and took a look at the surroundings. A big open field with a giant hill to her left and forests on the sides. She couldn´t believe it.

"Narnia," she said quietly, more to herself than to anyone else. Cerleb heard her and walked over to her.

"At Aslan´s How to be exact," he said and looked happily at the stunned girl next to him. Susan didn´t know what to say. She was back, back in Narnia. She never thought that would happen, Aslan had said it was impossible. And yet, she was back.

She could not hold it in any more. With shrieks of joy, she ran out on the field and took everything in. The warmth of the sun, the sound of the birds, the animals and centaurs, the smell of grass and the feeling of being back. Cerleb came after her, laughing.

"You sure are happy to be out of there," he said and nodded towards the hill.

"I am" Susan answered, a bit teary as she sunk down on her knees. Narnia, Narnia, NARNIA! She wanted to scream it to the heavens but resisted. She didn´t want the centaurs to think she was crazy.

"Susan," Cerleb said, sounding confused. Susan turned around. "How did you get in there?" For a moment, Susan did not know what to say, but then the answer hit her like a car.

"Magic," she said and rose, aiming for the tent. She needed to rest, and eat. Man she was hungry. "Excuse me, but do you have any food?" She asked Cerleb who pointed at the tent.

"In there," was the simple answer and they started to walk back. Once inside, he started to load fruits and bread on a small table next to the opening of the tent. Susan couldn´t restrain herself and she ate everything she could. How long had she been inside the hill if she was now this hungry? It must have been at least eight hours.

Suddenly, a faun with a note board in his hands entered the tent.

"Cerleb, we should be getting moving soon if we want to make it in time for the anniversary. Oh, hello," he said as he saw Susan. She nodded.

"God day. What anniversary?" she asked and grabbed an apple.

"The anniversary of Caspian X first year of being a King," the faun answered with pride. Susan dropped the, apple which fell on the ground. She slowly rose from the table and looked at the both the faun and Cerleb.

"Caspian is alive?" she asked and a weight lifted from her chest. Only one year had passed?

"Well yes, of course. And, he´s well and healthy, though I think he misses queen Susan a bit. She was one of the queens of old. She disappeared a year ago. Poor thing, he fancied her," the faun took a breath and looked at Susan.

"Do you wanna come with us?" he asked her. A tear fell down Susan´s cheek.

"Yes… yes, I definitely wanna come with you all."

--

**AN: ****Chapter two everyone. And it was a pretty long one, considering the one who wrote it was me… Anyway, I won´t be able to update any of my stories for a while now. School may be out for summer bit I will be going ****abroad for three weeks, and then spend some time away and at the country with relatives and friends. During this six week period, I won´t have a computer. It sucks, but sense I will go to England, Oxford actually, my English will improve and maybe I will write faster when I come back. **

**Oh, and just ´cause I won´t be able to update doesn´t mean you can stop reviewing. Hehe, have a great summer^^**

**//Faara**


	3. Chapter 3 So Badly

Chapter 3. So badly

Susan bit her lip. She did not like riding bareback for more than two hours. And especially not like a dame. She knew that she would not be able to walk when they had reached their goal. Their goal… the capital and the castle, the castle were Caspian lived. She sighed quietly and tried hard not to moan and rub her back. She really hated riding for so long.

"Is anything wrong, Miss Susan?" the note board faun, Arcam, asked her. Susan shook her head and smiled. She was their guest, and she didn´t wanted to make any fuss.

"I´m fine," she said to the red haired faun. She then turned to Cerleb, on whose back she was sitting on. "Again, thank you, for letting me come along." The centaur nodded.

"Well, we had no horses there. It´s not every day a human comes along," Cerleb said friendly.

"I will always remember this," she continued, and it was true. When she ruled as a queen of Narnia, she always remembered the ones that helped her and her siblings to the power. Like Mr. Tumnus and Mr. and Mrs. Beaver. They always got what they wanted and was in on everything. The only thing Mrs. Beaver didn´t wanted to get involved with was the wars.

"_One war is enough for me", _she used to say and then walk out of the room. Susan missed her. She missed them all. And she knew that when all this was over, she would miss Arcam and Cerleb as well. Because it had to have an end, simple as that. This new insight, both that spending a few hours with two people could make you such friends, and that she one day had to go home again, was right now too much for her. Tears burned her eyes and threatened to spill over. She had to go back to England, again. She would have to leave everything she loved, again. She had to go back, knowing that she would never return, again.

A single tear slipped her eye and was seen by Arcam.

"Miss Susan?" he asked, confused and sad at the same time. Susan quickly wiped the tear away as Cerleb turned around to look at her.

"Why are you crying?" the centaur asked her, clearly worried. Susan found that there was no point in lying, she was no good at it and she hated to do it.

"I am going to miss you. When all of this is over I will miss you." Cerleb and Arcam exchanged worried looks.

"What do you mean, miss Susan?" Arcam took a step closer. To this, Susan smiled, not wanting to worry them with her stupid and girly behavior.

"Nothing," she whispered. "I´m just being silly." The faun and the centaur exchanged another look and none of them mentioned it again during their journey, with the intention of not making Susan upset.

Eventually, the sun set and the caravan stopped for the night. Susan slept at the ground, watching the stars until she finally fell asleep.

Susan woke up by the sound of big mythological creatures moving. The centaurs and the fauns were packing up ready to leave. Susan hurried up, wanting to help with the preparations, not wanting to be only a burden. Arcam offered her a piece of bread which she gladly ate. Suddenly a horn sounded and everybody´s heads turned towards a centaur wearing a red mantel, the royal color.

"We´re leaving for King Caspian´s castle NOW!" He then turned around and started walking. As Susan was helped up on Cerleb´s back a sudden feeling hit her. She missed him. She missed Caspian, so badly and right now she would do anything to see him. It was not like when she was back in England, when she cried. She needed him. Right now she needed him more than she needed oxygen. She laughed for herself. It was all so silly, how love had turned her into such a craving creature. Susan hated herself for it. She was a logical and realistic person, feelings were not allowed to get in the way.

"… Right, miss Susan?" Arcam smiled at Susan when she finally was snapped out of her thoughts.

"I´m sorry Arcam. What were you saying?" The faun swallowed and looked at her clothes.

"Do you have anything else to wear?" It was at this point that Susan remembered that she still was wearing her school uniform. She looked down on her very English clothes.

"Is there anything wrong with them?" she asked Arcam, though she already knew the answer. She had never been a teasing person, but she really wanted to see how the prude faun got out of this situation.

"On no," he quickly said." No, there is nothing wrong about them, though they are not that fashionable." He looked at Susan who raised an eyebrow and turned slightly red.

"A-and what you´re wearing is very daring. And you must remember, Susan. Not every man in the capital is good." He said the last thing with concern in his eyes and Susan got serious as well. She looked at him with gratitude.

"Thank you, Arcam. For your concern." She sighed heavily. "And no, I don´t have anything else. I only own what I am wearing, and as you can see, only these clothes." At once, Arcam smiled.

"Oh, but I have something for you to wear," he said and ran off to the back of the caravan.

"What does he mean?" Susan asked Cerleb who smiled at the young faun´s excitement.

"He owns a collection of human clothes. Dresses, mantels, boots and so on. He thinks them of beauty and grace. And he loves to see people wearing them."

"Is that a common behavior?" Cerleb shook his head.

"No, but he´s young. He´ll come around."

A minute later Arcam came running up to them with a dark green dress in his arms.

"I thought that you wanted something which won't make you stand out as much. I have more exclusive dresses but this one goes so well with your hair," he said and gave the pretty simple, but still beautiful dress to Susan.

"Thank you Arcam," she said and smiled. "How can I repay you?"

"You could wear it, Miss Susan," he answered and smiled back. Said and done. Susan changed her clothes by the next stop. Both the faun and the centaur thought she looked pretty and so did Susan. She really loved wearing Narnian clothes and this one was very nice. She thanked Arcam so many times that Cerleb soon started to wonder if she had got a fever and Susan silenced.

--

Suddenly Susan started to notice that everyone in the caravan got restless. They quickened their haste and both fauns and centaurs made occasional jumps.

"What are they doing?" Susan asked Cerleb a bit worried. Cerleb turned his head and smiled at her.

"We´re almost there," he whispered to her. "In a few minutes you will be able to see the castle. That´s what´s making everyone so restless." He turned back. Susan swallowed. In a not so far away future, she would see the capital, the castle, Caspian. Only the thought of him made her heart jump and she longed for him. She longed for him so much that the sight of the castle from far away didn´t become her. She didn´t notice the cheers of joy or that the haste fastened ever more. All she did notice was the light and the pounding of her own heart, and the wish that time would speed up for her.

"Miss Susan. Miss Susan. We´re here!" Arcam took her hands and helped her down from Cerleb´s back. "We´re here," he said again and kissed her on the cheek. Susan smiled.

"We´re here," was her answer. She looked at both Cerleb and Arcam when she spoke next.

"I have to leave you now." She let go of Arcam´s hands. "There is something I have to do… and I don´t know if I´ll ever see you again." Silence.

"But…. But…" Arcam started. Susan grabbed his hands again.

"I´m sorry. But I have to." A faint smile showed. "Thank you again for the dress, Arcam." She let go of his hands and turned to Cerleb who looked at her with serious eyes.

"Farwell, Cerleb," Susan said and curtsied before him. He nodded.

"Farwell, queen of old," he answered before he turned around and walked away. A tear fell from Susan eye and she turned to Arcam one last time before she too walked away.

--

Susan had nearly forgotten how beautiful the castle and the surrounding town were. The sun was shining and people were out preparing for the parade. Susan walked through the medieval-town looking at everything. The people, the colors, the animals and the Narnians. She saw centaurs, fauns, dwarfs and talking animals together with the Telmarines. It looked like it´d worked out fine, Caspian as king and the habitants living together. Susan smiled. Apparently, he was a great king!

She walked over the bridge to the castle and made her way to the gate. Her new dress flew round her legs as she started to speed it up. She closed up to a guard.

"Excuse me" she said and caught the guard's attention. "May I come through?" The guard looked suspicious at her.

"Do you work at the castle?" he asked in a dark voice and looked at her dress.

"No" Susan replied. "But… I need to see the King". The guard laughed.

"You´ll have to wait an hour or two till the parade and his speech like everybody else, young lady" and by that the conversation was over. Susan nodded and walked away.

Parade. Speech. She made herself a way up towards the stage Caspian would stand at. She found a place where she could see both the parade and him, eventually, and she began to wait.

She both was and wasn´t happy. She was happy over the fact that she was there, waiting for Caspian, but she felt miserable over the fact that she let down Cerleb and Arcam like that. It wasn´t like her to just walk away, and it bugged her. She stood in the corner thinking on how he could fix this when a horn sounded and trumpets started blowing. The parade was about to start.

It was magnificent. She could see all friends were there. Trufflehunter, Trumpkin and Reepicheep walked first, to secure the way, and behind them rode Caspian. Susan smiled when she saw him. He glowed, in a new costume and with the crown on his head, waving to his people who cheered him. He swept with his eyes over the crowd and Susan thought she caught his eye, but when he just kept riding she lowered her head and closed her eyes. One chance had slipped her, but she would not give up on this. She would fight.

It got silent as Caspian walked up on the stage and removed his crown. It was a magical moment when he started to speak. His Telmarine accent sounding loud.

"Telmarines and Narnians," he began with a solemn voice. "Thank you all for coming here today, to celebrate my first year as your king." He smiled as the crowd started cheering. "I know this has been a hard year for you, it has been for me as well". He made a pause as the crowd began to murmur. "Twists between yourselves and rebellions have made it very difficult. But mostly, the threat from south" The crowd let out an angry roar. "But this will stop. My counselors and I have decided to attack them before they can attack us. They will soon be only a memory". The crowd cheered. Susan didn´t understand.

"And what does Aslan think about that?!" She watched the crowd look around for the one who spoke and Caspian too scanned the crowd in front of him, searching for the one who dared to name The Great Lion.

"What do you mean?"

"This is supposed to be a land of Peace!" Susan continued, still hidden in the crowd."Narnia has never before attacked an enemy before they´ve attacked us. And if it has happened, it has been with Aslan's approval. Who are you to stand over him? Not even the kings and queens of old did that!" Caspian looked around.

"Who are you?!" he asked. "Come forth, you who dare say something like that. Show your face!" Susan did so. She took a step forward and the crowd split so that the king could see her. When she looked into Caspian´s eyes he took a step backwards.

"Your majesty" she said looking at Caspian with both the grace of the queen of old, but also with hope. Finally, finally! Caspian was stunned.

"Queen Susan," he said and kneeled before her. The crowd followed as soon as they realized who she was. A quiet murmur was heard and the Narnians showed signs of true joy. Their queen was back. But Susan did not notice, her eyes were on Caspian and when she thought that he had kneeled long enough she walked up to him and helped him up.

"You don´t have to," she whispered to him and smiled gently. He smiled back and she saw the confusion and happiness in his eyes.

"You´re back?" he whispered back. Susan nodded. Suddenly Caspian drew her to his chest. He hugged her and Susan hugged back.

"I missed you," he whispered into her hair. Susan nodded.

"I missed you too."

**AN: **** That was chapter three, Ladies and Gentlemen. I hope you liked it. And I´m sorry for the delay. My inspiration got lost. Poof…**

**Anyway, School has now started and I won´t have time to write so often. But I hope you will stick out and that you will review. Just write what you think of the story, what´s good or bad, what you think will happen or what you want to see in it. It is not that hard. **

**Still, thank you for reading. Hope you had a nice summer.**

**//Faara**


	4. Chapter 4 Broken

Chapter 4. Broken

The dim lit library was as good as empty. The only creature in there that wasn´t Caspian or Susan was a black housecat. A small fire sparkled in front of a wall with no shelves or books, which the rest of the room was covered in. A simple wooden table was placed in the middle of the room, dangling with fruit, and two of the six chairs were taken. Caspian were sitting on one of the high ends, and Susan was sitting on his right side. They had both changed their clothes to more comfortable ones for the occasion.

"A car?" Caspian asked, picking up a grape. "What´s that?"

Susan put down her apple.

"Er… a car is like a carriage, but in metal and it´s moving without horses".

Caspian´s eyes widened.

"Without horses?"

Susan nodded.

"Is it possessed or something?"

Susan laughed at Caspian´s expression and she shook her head.

"No, not at all. It´s mechanical… I don´t really know how it works actually…" They both laughed.

Susan looked down on the table and took a breath.

"Caspian, about what I said earlier…"

He frowned.

"You were serious?"

Susan nodded.

"Narnia should not start a war. It´s a land of peace that only fights to protect itself. Please Caspian. Don´t make this a country Aslan would feel ashamed for."

Caspian sighed.

"I know you´re right," he said and looked into Susan´s eyes. "But I have to do something. The counselors' says that the people will start a revolt if nothing happens. I can´t take that risk. I have to fight with them or against them."

"Revolt against what? Fight against what?" Susan asked, a bit angry.

"The rebellions, the old hearted Telmarines. The old hearted Narnians, "he defended himself.

"Why don´t you just talk to them?!"

"I´ve tried! But they´ve been corrupted by the views from the South. They do not listen to me anymore. They don´t answer to me anymore!" he said. Susan looked confused ay him.

"What?" she whispered.

"They don´t answer to me anymore. They answer to the king of Archenland."

Susan couldn´t believe it. Archenland was attacking them? Narnia and Archenland had always been allies but now…

"How?"

Caspian stood up and walked over to the fire place.

"Isn´t that obvious. The Narnians are out again, the new King is `not more than a boy´ and Aslan recently left."

Susan stood up.

"You ´got help from the Kings and Queens of old. They should respect, and fear you."

"They don´t know that." He sighed. "No one, except the true Narnians and Telmarines knows that you were here. Aslan told me not to let the words spread. If I did, they would have struck at once."

Susan sighed.

"So now you have to decide if we should attack first, or let them attack."

Caspian nodded.

"That´s right. And I don´t know what to do. I´m in the middle of multiple dilemmas and the feeling of not knowing what to do is killing me."

"…Caspian." Susan walked over to him.

"You know that feeling in your guts which just make you hate the world? I have it all the time!" He looked at her and tears started to fill his eyes. "But now, you´re back, and…"

Susan had no problem seeing that all his troubles were breaking him.

"I am so terrified over what is to come. I don´t know what to do, or say, or think, or feel. I´m panicking!" He swallowed. "What should I do?!" he asked her, voice louder. He wasn´t expecting an answer. He was losing it.

"Caspian…" Susan tried to calm him. Caspian grabbed her arms.

"What?! Tell me! TELL ME!" As he let go of her he fell to his knees. "Please tell me…" he no longer screamed, he sobbed and tears fell from his eyes.

Susan looked devastated at king Caspian, the former so strong and brave man now lay at her feet, broken. He was burdened with different obligations and advises for what to do, and now he was hand fallen. How? How could this have happened, on just a year?

"…please."

Susan fell to the floor next to him and put her arms around him. She held him and she let him cry out all his troubles. And she kept whispering:

"It´s going to be okay. It´s going to be okay."

She knew that wasn´t completely true.

--

It rained when Susan woke up the next morning. The sky was completely black and only occasional lightening lit it up.

The dark hallways surrounded Susan when she left her quarters. She wanted to see Caspian. She wanted to make sure that he was all right. After yesterdays break down, she wasn't sure that he was going to pass the day without panicking. He was a King, bound to make difficult decisions. Dilemmas about trivial thing, but also life, and death. A decision no man, less a teenager, would have to take. And Caspian faced them every day. No wonder he was coming apart.

She went to the war room, figuring that Caspian would have to be in there, arguing with his counselors about what to do now. As she approached, she could hear the loud discussions from the inside of the room. But as soon as she opened the oaken double doors, everyone got silent. The moment after, Trufflehunter, Reepicheep and Trumpkin ran up to her and kneeled.

"You highness," Trufflehunter said solemn. "You have returned."

Susan smiled and quickly helped them up.

"My friends," she said. "Please don´t kneel for me. We know each other all too well for these royal manners." Susan really felt her queen side pop out of its hiding place and taking over her. It was something she both liked and disliked, depending on the situation. Now, it felt wrong, considering what her friends in front of her had gone through together.

Trumpkin was the first one who spoke.

"Aren´t the others with you, Queen Susan?"

The others. Her brothers and her sister. Peter, Edmund and Lucy. No, she was all alone.

"No, Trumpkin. It´s only me this time." She smiled weakly, trying so hard to be braver than she actually was.

"Please," she continued, "continue with what you all were doing," she said and watched her friends turn their backs to her and continue the discussing.

Susan´s smile faded. Backing away to a corner she tried desperately not to cry. She could really feel it now: the loneliness. She was all alone now. No Peter to boss her around, no Edmund to scold and no Lucy to cheer her up. She was on her own, and that scared her. It scared her more than the threat from Archenland, more that the pitch black darkness in Aslan´s How. That was nothing compared to the emptiness she felt. Her siblings were always with her, and they never leaved her, even less in Narnia.  
Damn.

She looked up and saw Caspian stare at her. She saw sorrow and pity in his eyes, like if he knew, knew exactly how she felt, knew what she was dealing with that very moment.

She tried to smile at him, but when she saw him look down, not returning her smile, she knew that she hadn´t fooled him.

"I think that will be all for today," Caspian declared solemn. "Let´s leave the details for tomorrow."

Everyone left the room, Trumpkin, Trufflehunter and Reepicheep loudly arguing about what to do with the fugitives. Caspian walked up to Susan and took her hand. Susan burst. Tears ran down her face, but she kept quiet. Caspian suddenly drew her closer to him and he embraced her, the same way she had embraced him the night before.

Susan started to sob. Now it was Caspian who saw Susan break apart, by loneliness. But this time, no one fell asleep at the end. Susan kept crying until she felt that she had no tears left before she broke away from Caspian and sat on the floor, a chair was not an option this time, it would feel to strict.

Caspian sat down on the floor next to her, his back leaned against the wall.

"I´m sorry," Susan whispered after a few minutes.

"For what?" he asked turning his head to look at her. Susan didn´t look back.

"For interrupting the meeting." She quickly turned her head as Caspian started to laugh.

"You come here and feel sad and you´re worried about the meeting. Queen Susan, you have underestimated me gravely. I am not the kind of man to shove his friends away in their time of need." He smiled at her now, a warm and gentle smile. And now, Susan smiled back.

"Don´t call me `Queen´, please. I don´t want you to address me like that. After all, you are the King of Narnia."

"But I haven't been king as long as you have been Queen," he answered quickly.

Susan raised an eye brow.

"Are you calling me old?" They both laughed as Caspian continued to tease Susan.

"Ay, old Lady," he said after he stood up and gave Susan his hand. "Does grandmother need help to find her room?"

Susan just smiled.

--

The days went by. Susan joined Caspian in most of his undertakings, to help him and the people of Narnia. It was no easy matter, when they sometimes had to ride halfway to the southern border to check on the most vulnerable parts of the land. And even though Susan missed her siblings very much, she couldn´t help feeling a bit happy over to being the only one of the Pevensie´s in Narnia right now. She felt a bit horrible for admitting it to herself, but she like having Caspian alone. Peter would have talked war strategies with him, Edmund would tease him and Lucy would use him in her games. No, Susan wanted Caspian for herself.  
It was clear for everyone to see that they liked each other's company. They used to take walks in the garden, Susan telling Caspian about her world and Caspian would in return tell her the stories of Narnia which she didn´t know. They always waited for one another at the meals and every matter of the kingdom had to be taken up to them both.  
But one day, someone said enough.

"Caspian, you´re not taking this seriously. You´re not taking your country seriously."

"Dr. Cornelius, I have no idea what you´re talking about."

"It can´t go on like this. You can´t keep playing with that poor girls feeling while leaving Narnia to its doom."

"Stop it. You don´t know what you´re talking about."

"Caspian… end this while there´s still time."

--

The day after, Susan could tell that something was wrong with Caspian. So, in order to help him, she confronted him when he dropped her off by her room the following night.

"Caspian," she said concerned. "I know that something is wrong. Please, tell me. I can help."

"No," he answered gravely. "You can´t help me this time."

"Caspian, please," Susan pleaded. "We have to do this." She smiled and took his hands. "Come," she said and opened the door to her room; she wanted to talk to him somewhere private. Caspian stopped dead, face pale.

"No."

Silence.

"What?" Susan asked a bit trembling.

"Stop it. I… I can´t be with you now. I have to concentrate on my land." He was looking at the floor while saying what he never wanted to say.

"What are you talking about? We have to…"

"No," he interrupted. "I have to do this alone. And I won´t let you distract me or stand in my way. So let go of me."

With those words he pulled away and stormed off, leaving Susan behind, not knowing what had just happened.

**AN: ****Sorry for making you wait so damn long, and sorry for letting you read such crap! I know that I can do better, but my inspiration and my fingers didn´t come up with anything else. **

**Anyway, I hope you can endure it, possibly like it, and hopefully stick out for the next chapter (which I have no idea when it will come out). **

**Thanks for all the reviews (please keep doing that) and Merry Christmas to you all^^**

**//Faara**


	5. Chapter 5 Reflections

Chapter 5. Reflections

"Caspian, you should not blame yourself. Women are difficult," Dr. Cornelius said to the restless young king.

"Well I do. I do blame myself. She is no longer talking to me. That is my fault," he answered angry.

"Caspian…"

"His highness is right this time Doctor," Reepicheep interrupted causing not only the doctor, but also Trumpkin and Trufflehunter glare at him. "I´m just saying what you all are thinking," he defended himself.

"We are not here to think, Reepicheep," Trufflehunter said warningly. "We´re here to convince Caspian that he isn´t as stupid as _he_ think."

"He´s worse," Trumpkin uttered. The answer to this was Trufflehunter slapping his arm.

"Friends, please stop," Caspian said to them, hands raised and eyes closed. As they silenced he sat down with a heavy sight. "I have to talk to her," he continued after a moment of silence.

"I don´t think you should," Cornelius said sadly. "You need to focus on your country, Caspian. Not some girl that have caught your attention. Concentrate."

Caspian shook his head. If he didn´t talk to her, he would spend more time thinking about it and Narnia would be suffering. It was an easy decision to make, but harder to go through. He shook his head one last time before looking at Doctor Cornelius.

"I have to," Caspian said before leaving the room, and his teacher.

--

Caspian ran through the castle corridors. His sword hit his left leg with every step and more than once he had to put his hand upon the handle to make it stop. He did not call her name, in a try not to draw any attention to himself. He just ran and raced every corner, hoping that she would be standing there, waiting for him.

He came to her quarters and stopped outside the door, catching his breath. He then straitened up, fixed his hair with his right hand as the left one rested on the sword, and knocked. The door opened and there stood Susan. Caspian smiled.

"Susan," he began. "I wanted to talk to you." He was still breathing heavily. Susan lowered her head.

"Your highness," she said. Caspian frowned. "Can´t this wait till dinner. It´s not appropriate for us to be seen without a chaperon. Your Highness wouldn't want to raise suspicions among his subjects. And I believe that the counsel wouldn´t approve."

Caspian was too stunned to say anything. He stood there gasping, like he wanted to say something, but didn´t know what. He wanted to say so much, that it was a mistake and that…

"I´ll see you at the dinner, You Highness," Susan said and closed the door. Caspian backed away from the door, too confused for his own good and started to walk towards his own chambers. She treated him like a royalty, like someone she didn´t know. This was his punishment. His punishment for not listening, for not trusting her with his …obligations.

He sighed heavily as he opened the door to his bedroom. He made sure that he was alone before he took off his shirt and sat down by his oak desk. It looked like the raindrops were raising down the window. He buried his head in his hands. What was he supposed to do? What could he do, besides from talking to her, which she refused? He sighed again before he stood up and started to get ready for dinner.

--

Everyone was waiting for him when Caspian walked into the dining hall. He was a bit late. He had had to talk to Reepicheep about the latest attack on Narnia´s borders right before dinner. No solution had come up before Caspian had run off. He sat down next to Susan at the high end and told everyone to start eating. Susan followed what he said and ate of the bread. Caspian himself couldn´t eat. He just held his goblet and looked at Susan´s reflection in it, not daring to look at her directly.

"Queen, Susan," he said, loudly enough for the people closest around him to hear. "I was wondering if you cared to join me in the library later." He didn´t look at her, but he could feel her eyes on him. The sound of her cutler was devastating in the silence.

"I figure that Your Highness´s life must be filled with… obligations, and I don´t wish to be a distraction. So I must say no," she answered before returning to her meal. Caspian accepted the pain his own words had before looking at her.

"I insist, Queen Susan, that you make me company."

She looked up and her eyes met his.

Her face showed no emotions, nothing at all.

"If Your Highness insists, then I must accept. I will meet you in the library after dinner." She drank from her goblet and then turned to the noble girl sitting next to her. Caspian smiled weakly before digging in. He had won this… battle, if you could call it that. She may be the Queen, but the King was always to be obeyed. The food tasted better that night then it had done in days.

--

When Caspian opened the door to the library, Susan was already there. She had her back to him and he could see her reflection in the pitch dark window. She was holding one of the many books, eyes closed.

"Susan…" Caspian started, but he was interrupted.

"Your Highness shouldn´t talk to me like that. It may offend people." Her voice was cold.

"Susan, please. I was wrong."

She lifted her head but did not turn to face him. She closed the book.

"You never told me these stories," she said and waved with the book. "The ones about me being this brave, firm person." She put the book back.

"I…" Caspian started, but again he was interrupted by Susan.

"I´m neither brave nor firm," she said and turned to face him. "I´m weak and scared. I´m hurt and lonely. I´m the stupid insignificant girl who no longer can name what´s most important to her. I´m worthless." She looked away but Caspian had already seen the tears in her eyes.

"I´m sorry," he said. He didn´t want her to be sad. He wanted her to laugh and smile as before. He wanted to be there for her, like her siblings were. But he wanted to be more. He wanted her to trust him.

"For what?" she asked and looked at him again. "You haven´t done anything wrong." Her voice was cold again. Caspian began to walk over to her but stopped when she backed away.

"I have. I was unfair to you. Please, forgive me," he said. This time she didn´t back away when he got closer, she just looked into his eyes and smiled weakly. The same smile she had shown him the first time they met.

"Can you forgive me?" she asked. He nodded and leaned closer to her.

"I…" he began, but again Susan interrupted him. She hushed him and placed her finger over his mouth. They got closer.

"It can wait," she whispered and the world stopped as they got even closer and Caspian leaned down, their lips almost connecting.


	6. Chapter 6 This is Home

Chapter 6. This is home

Suddenly, Susan gasped and took a step back. Caspian looked worriedly at her.

"Susan, what´s wrong?" he asked and took her hand.

"No," she whispered. "No. Please, give me more time." She looked at Caspian who didn´t seem to understand. "I don´t want to go back."

His eyes widened and she could tell that he understood.

"How can you tell?" he asked her, fear in his voice. Susan shook her head.

"Same feeling as last time." It was true, she could feel the terror from when she thought she was going to die, and she felt the angst from when she had to go back to England the last time.

"You have to go home…" he whispered, looking down at their hands.

"No!" Susan said the word with such power that he quickly looked up. "_This_ is my home…"

Their eyes met and in a distance Susan could hear the horn blow. She quickly turned her head and saw a light in the black window. By the look on Caspian´s face, he could see it too. As their eyes met the last time they both said it:

"I love you."

And then she disappeared.

--

_Bang!_

The fall was hard, harder then when she hit the ground in Aslan´s how. Not only did the air go of her, but her whole body hurt and she saw two suns.

"SUSAN!" running footsteps followed the terrified scream and in a moment her siblings were there, all six of them. Two Lucy´s, two Edmund´s and two Peter´s. And two of all the other people.  
Peter lifted her head up and she passed out.

--

She woke up in a hospital. The walls were white and it looked sterile. The bed was not comfy and the sun was too bright for her eyes. She groaned and her siblings were all over her again.

"Susan. Are you all right?"

It took a while for her to answer. She closed her eyes, opened them, closed them and then opened them again. Now there were only one Peter, one Lucy and one Edmun. She started to cry.

Lucy threw herself at her bigger sister. "Susan," she said. "Don´t be afraid, we´re here."

Susan shook her head. "I´m not," she answered and smiled, just to convince them. "I´m glad to see you again." She was glad to see them, but she really missed Caspian. But now, she realized that she had missed them more. "I missed you," she said and took Lucy´s hand as the young girl sat up again. She looked at Peter and smiled. "I´m home," she said and shrugged a little.  
Peter´s smile faded and was replaced with astonishment.

"No," he whispered and came closer. Lucy and Edmund looked up. Susan nodded.

"I was in Narnia."

_The End_

**AN: The End ladies and gentlemen. I hope you liked it. I thank you for sticking out to the end and I thank you for all the wonderful reviews I´ve got. Keep them coming ;)  
This was my first Narnia-fic and I hope that it doesn´t sulk down its name.**

**Thank you all  
//Faara**

**Disclamer: I don´t own Narnia, its world or any of the characters. This is a nonprofit story and it was written for my own amuse and enjoyment. **


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